I'm going to let you in on a dark secret of mine. It's something that might change the way you think of me. But I gotta be honest with you, bestie. I am terrible at working with dough.
And I don't mean, 'terrible' like a modest food blogger says "Oh, I'm not great at making cake." I mean, terrible. Like, "Run away! Riz is trying to work with dough again!"
Seriously, it's like a warzone when I work with dough. It's something I've been actively working on improving, but there is a decent possibility that I have been cursed.
You see, once upon a time…back when I was writing my master's thesis, I borrowed a library book that someone else wanted. I got there first, she arrived just as I was checking out the book, and pleaded with me. She told me about her low grades, about how *that* book had the power to change everything, and how grateful she would be if I gave it to her first.
I didn't.
Don't judge me too harshly. Grad school is vicious, bestie!
I could faintly hear the rumble of thunder outside the library. She snarled at me and said, "I CURSE YOU! I CURSE YOU AND YOUR SECOND-RATE THESIS. From this day forward, dough will crumble in your fingers…but not in that nice way…in that not-nice way that nobody likes. So there!" And then the power went out. And a wolf howled.
And it was true. That weekend, when I tried to make pie, I made dough rain from the kitchen ceiling after using an electric mixer (…at an embarrassingly high speed). I also over-baked the pie shell to the point where the only discernible flavour in it was "smoky". It was the perfect storm.
(Okay, fine…I may have very slightly embellished the above story.)
(Also, my thesis was really rather interesting. I mean, who wouldn't want to read 50,000 words on the various geopolitical risks associated with nuclear missile strategies painstakingly analysed, juxtaposed with discussion of the history and technical evolution of missile defence programs? My point exactly. It was riveting stuff!)
What I'm trying to say (in a very roundabout way) is that despite what is clearly an unusually specific curse that makes me terrible at working with dough. I've been trying to get better. And if you suffer from a similar magical affliction, don't worry. Because for every crazy storm you create in the kitchen, you have a new opportunity to remind yourself that nothing would grow if it didn't rain first.
This post was previously a part of my Canadian butter tart recipe post, which has since been revised and streamlined.
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